Ink of a Servant 29/3

It’s been quite a while. This blog space must have gathered dust since the writer left it behind.

Busy? Perhaps. Life has been turned upside down that’s for sure. This world… no one escapes its trials.

Rereading the contents of this blog has slowly led me to appreciate, bit by bit, the blessings that Allah the Almighty has bestowed upon me.

There was a time when even getting a job was uncertain. Now, alhamdulillah, I am able to support myself and my family. Many hands are raised to the sky in gratitude. I am deeply thankful to still be given the chance to witness my prayers being answered.

So many things have happened, yet even more gifts and blessings have been granted in every corner of tears, exhaustion, and the blood that has been shed.

I am happy now, at least on the outside. And perhaps that alone reflects what philosophers have long said: that humans… will never truly be grateful.

And I am one of them. A human who fails to be grateful, who chooses to weep instead of appreciating every piece of wisdom hidden behind the stones that weigh heavily upon the chest.

I fail to see even the slightest glimmer of light, one that holds meaning, a reason to keep going as a wanderer in a foreign land. So many questions linger“Why me?” “What if…” and “Am I truly this unfortunate?”

Silence. I sit in the corner of my bed, staring into the words that echo endlessly in my mind, as if they are trying to convince me: Yes, why you? And if you had chosen a different path, would the ending be any different?

Istighfar, O heart. A fragment of my faith whispers, reminding a soul that feels increasingly lost. I release a heavy sigh, pleading to be understood, to be heard, to have this burden lightened.

Yet beyond these walls, there are heavier sighs than mine. The sigh of a father, worried about the family’s financial struggles. The sigh of a mother, forced to be apart from her husband and children in order to provide and ensure there is enough for everyone.

I clench my teeth and grip my fingers tightly, forcing myself to endure and stay strong. I am certain this is only temporary—and even if it were forever, I believe it exists and comes as a way for me to become a better servant before You, O Lord.

The stronger the waves that crash against me, the more my desire to chase this fleeting world fades away. That is where it all begins. My intentions start to change. No longer do I pursue or glorify luxury. No longer do I feel envy or resentment toward the success of others.

My sense of gratitude grows stronger. Its weight on the scale surpasses the exhaustion of my body and soul, which are battered daily by life’s trials.

And all of this is because of You, O Allah. It is You who has placed this feeling within me, allowing me to focus only on You.

To focus on worship, in hopes of attaining Your Paradise. May I be strong, and may my family be strong as well steadfast always, so that no storm of this world can destroy us. Instead, may mountains of gratitude fill our days in this life. Aminn..

And..

To those who found their way here, thank you for pausing in the quiet of these words—and to those who understand, may strength never leave your heart.

To the fellow soul, walking the same fragile path of becoming, striving to be better in His sight—
may every whispered prayer, every silent effort, be seen, be heard, and be gently accepted by Him.

And may we all, in our brokenness and becoming, be wrapped in the endless mercy and blessings of Allah SWT.